Sometimes Sometimes i can't wait anymore it is my weakness i know can't deal with time, sometimes yes it is my enemy and my best friend and when i'm alone it seems like time stops yes when i'm alone still the hands of the clock pushing me towards my death then i can't, i just can't wait and than i find myself runing to you to find my friend life again through time again and when we meet togetherwe embrace the hands of time before they turn back into sand again and when we meet i can accept life to be only a few years of suffering and joy we we might share thought and dreams but there's more than a wall between us the indifference has finally killed us now i'm suffocated by the cynic approach to my emotions and i can't have any more of this bitter way of thinking no, i can't have anymore where there's no feelings - there's no pain? you've once again lost this game of hate try to dig deeper in your own flesh and the fingers will hit the bone, strike a nerve shutting door after door behind, yearning for a change don't act surprised when it's all finally collapse building walls of cards around you that will be blown away at the first reality storm leaving you naked to face the waves don't hide behind theories, cynicism won't help now need to take it out, or bring it in maybe and maybe i was stupid to think that we can be different and maybe i was innocent to believe that friendship like ours can overcome all you know you were my other half helping me in those bad times no one understood me as you did it seemed nothing and no one could hurt us when we were together we shared every free minute the world we built for ourselves was so perfect you believed the lies he told and that's what hurt me most how could you be so blind to see that he was jealous of what we had? fight after fight - and things just weren't the same you became his girlfriend and what i hated the most a faded version of yourself not a single original thought never leaving his side and we played those guilt feelings so well. criticizing criticizing me with every step judging every choise i make you think so little of me, i know you never took me seriously and i'm not what you wished for beat me up, scream, curse fuck my self-esteem build your confidence on my back you seem so strong now feeling like the man in the house and i can't get rid of this feelings of fear every time i heard the key at the door i didn't know back then that i could hate you i thought what i felt was wrong agonizing myself withdrawn to my own world and i know she had a part in it she was so weak never once tried to calm you down never tried to protect how could i blame her? she was so weak, standing up to you i'll never forgive you i was the first, but there's no excuse, to make all your mistakes on me my provider-my taker i still hate you feels like feels like i can't move my legs won't listen like i'm stuck in this place; so heavy try to escape this dying body how much truth can i bear? uncover what i've buried don't walk me in your garden of sympathy again it's not enough for me anymore don't need to tell me accepting it is for the deaf try teaching me how to be alone with myself i keep crashing the wall no matter which way i turn enough with the lies enough with the suffer don't need to tell me freedom is for the blind long day long day, dirty boiling water will clean it all washing hard it's alright if some skin peels off long night, haunted boiling water will clear it all scrubbing, scrubbing hard, so hard flesh and blood exposed to the light deep shame, filthy soul boiling water will uncover it all scratching hard, until pure white 'til the white bone. searching she stands high up at the top of the mountain searching for something that reminds her of the past but there's nothing there anymore not even a tree that she can recognize everything changed in fifty years everything changed they had no shame these newcomers they came and destroyed everything i know they had no respect for life they came and killed everything i know everything changed in fifty years everything changed and they said they come to save the land all the villages i used to see from here are gone now and all the trees i used to sit by have been cut down the land i used to walk by is raped by roads that lead to nowhere and the well i used to drink from is poisoned everything changed in fifty years everything changed i don't recognize this land anymore i don't recognize my home anymore as i as i stand here alone those four walls around me and there's no one in sight, no one in sight i'm running to the other side but you always come back, come back for more and it feels so, and it seems so...wrong? you are the perfect escapism but maybe i don't want to escape anymore feelings like that brought me nowhere because while you come from a dark place i'm heading one and it feels so wrong, feels so wrong i know i can't go on like this push me out taking out more than i have i'm coming from a wrong place, you're heading one and it feels so wrong, feels so wrong i know i can't go on like this pushing me out and i try i try, but i can't get hold of you, looking back- you are so far away try running to the other side but i don't have any strength i won't let myself feel like that anymore i used to i used to look up at you those days are gone i can see the real you your cover is blown there were times when you knew all the right buttuns to push to bring me to my knees and i would bite my lips and move on because you know, i'd rather smash my head against the wall then telling you how i really feel and somethimes when i look at you i see myself dreadful sight, you can imagine ending up like you - repeating your mistakes wasted life, lost desires you lost the key to your garden years ago.